Crash Bang

I've been trying to get to my computer. I was going to dazzle you with a two-fer, beginning with my alien encounter...

We had a staring contest but then it occurred to me she might not have eyelids. Plus she has 3 weensy eyes between those two freaky ones. Seriously, why do I know this. Part two involved finding a curious wooden bead in my pants drawer. Only it wasn't a bead. It was a small unripe tomato. The suspected portal to hell in my backyard has apparently moved to Dresser Drawer #3.

Then Sunday happened.

Yesterday was going to be relaxing after weeks of busy crap & the kind of the stress that doesn't kill you but has you thinking things like Happy thoughts, hm...at least I'm not dead, stupid or yeasty. And hey, South American bandidos haven't stolen my spleen for the underground organ market. It's not like I've actually seen my spleen but I'm pretty sure it's there. Well, and certainly not in South America.

Anyway, Rene & I took a drive along the coast. What I like about not going to the beach very often is that when I do, it feels like a revelation. Seventy degrees, hazy like a vintage photograph. Rolling along Pacific Coast Highway, everyone in the distance becomes a part of the narrative of images in my head...the surfers with their longboards, the sailboats littering the horizon, the little girl in her red suit, squatting in the sand like a comma. Endless summer.

We were on a 4-lane stretch of PCH. Lots of cars cruising at 45 mph, plenty of space so it still felt like a day-trip drive, not a commute. Suddenly our lane chokes up & Rene puts on the brakes hard enough to snatch my attention from the beach. Just hard enough for me to note the tail end of the car in front of us and have one of those quick flashes that don't mean anything...loose images of metal crunching, glass breaking, the distant thought I saw a movie yesterday with a slow-motion car crash scene, is that why I'm thinking about this---Rene's hand touches my thigh, we're still stopped, his hand has a nice weight, just resting there. As if we could stay in this fat second forever.

I'm thinking this even as I hear a bang, the accordian crush of metal collapsing, another bang, closer like a train arriving...so fast, and time enough for me to wonder if my imagination has created a more-real-than-real soundtrack, time enough to reject this & wait for the sound of screeching brakes, to remember not to stiffen since brittle things break. A split second later, we were hit.

We're sore but fine. I managed to hang onto my caramel latte. We bounced off the car in front of us but after a quick check, the guy nodded that his rear was fine, scanned the cars behind us with widened eyes, and promptly took off. So officially we're the first car in a 5-car pileup...or the last if you count from the initial collision. A good place to be.

The Ford SUV behind us left a Connecticut license plate impression on our white bumper, which crunched in a bit, but the damage was tame. The Ford's rubber bumpers remained intact, although the entire front end of a brand new Lexus hybrid was impaled on the Ford's rear trailer hitch. The Lexus had it rough, as it was sandwiched between two Ford SUVs. The second Ford SUV received the full brunt of impact from a large Chevy truck. An Asian couple was inside that Ford, fine enough to walk, a bit bloody, a lot bruised.

No skid marks. The driver of the Chevy appears to have been in the throes of loving his Subway sandwich, and didn't look up until he was slamming into another car. He also was fine, but so shaken by what he'd caused he didn't say much during the two hours of clean-up. He was wearing a T-shirt that yelled: Real Men Sing Real Loud. And sandals with tube socks.

That last part is going to really haunt me.

It was a sane group of people, and Santa Monica PD handled it well...they have extremely good-looking cops, which coupled with the beach just steps away & the Porsches & Bentleys rubbernecking past made it all seem surreal. David Hasselhoff was going to jog up at any moment reeking of beer-sweat & indignant mediocrity.

Of course I'm grateful no one was seriously injured. It was scary walking back to those cars, you see the twisted metal & your stomach tightens for what you might find inside. It's a good day when everyone walks away well enough to be agitated by the material damages.

I took a few lackluster pics with my cellphone...

the highway



yay for bumpers



ouchie Lexus



Tubesock's truck

Just another day in paradise.