So it was pretty lame of me to say I was back in my last post, then disappear for even longer...but something completely unexpected happened. Sweet Dianne had this lovely image of me downing daiquiris while male underwear models fan me with palm fronds. Okay, she left out the part about the models but we both know they were in there. Sadly, I didn't run off to Bora Bora. I'm pretty sure if I ever frolic in a tropical paradise I'll either get eaten by a jaguar, attacked by a butt-seeking parasite (Anthony Bourdain told me about them, they're totally real), or some jungle-monkey will try to mate with my big hair.
Rene & I have been hammering out the same dream for 12 years...or maybe they're a bunch of dreams that together make a life, the way rooms make a house. I'm so accustomed to obsessively working on getting where we're going, it never really occurred to me in a real way that our life would change beyond the ways that it's always changing. So I'm sitting here 2 weeks ago when it hits me, quietly, like a brick over the head. Getting There lasts about ten seconds...then you have to live it just like anything else.
Me: Er, is it just me---all of this looks suspiciously like the life we've been wrestling the Devil to get. It's rushing at me & I keep getting the urge to hit it with a baseball bat.
Rene: Wouldn't matter. It's already here.
Me: Erp.
Rene: Are you okay?
Me: I think I just threw up a little.
Other people jump up & down when they reach a far-off milestone. Me, I throw up.
Aside from my dismal reaction to great news, I've been dealing with something rather large. Through a series of weird coincidences while not house-shopping, I ended up standing inside a new construction that has 60 days left before it's complete. Old world craftsmanship wired for the modern age. Big airy porches. A security cam on the front stoop so Bible-thumpers & aggressive girl scouts can't surprise me anymore. It's my dream house, the one I was sort of hoping didn't exist so I could continue my happy house-phobic existence. I can imagine my boys laughing in it. I can't find anything wrong with it.
It's been haunting me for 2 weeks. The first time I viewed it, I rejected it outright in a sort of dazed panic like the house had just proposed marriage. The 2nd time, I felt nauseous. I've been through the house 2 more times. Now I find myself caught up in a whirlwind of accountants, laywers, & Japanese toilets that do peculiar things to your no-see-ums in the interests of hygiene. One scenario has us entering escrow as early as next week. Another scenario has me hopping a freight train & beginning my new life as Hobo Jo.
I'm not sure what will happen, things are rolling out so fast. We cancelled our vacation to deal with this so I'm dimly realizing I must be serious. I keep feeling like I'm having an out-of-body experience, watching myself attack the business end of it in my usual make-it-happen sort of way while another part of me is drifting through a surreal haze, wondering exactly when it was I woke up in someone else's life.
A quick update of other things:
My boys recently had their birthdays...J turned 15! I made him that giant cupcake I posted about a while back. The cupcake kicked my ass in the kitchen but it did turn out yummy, red velvet on top, poundcake on the bottom.
My squirrel has returned so I'm hoping this means the rats are gone...but I haven't seen any corpses.
The other night I woke up just as I was head-butting Rene...I was up on my elbow & my forehead came down smack on the side of his head. Then this morning I woke up with a 2-inch red welt above my eyebrow. I think I'm having ninja-dreams.
That's it for me, now I have a lot of catching up to do. I've finally decided to try the reader thingy so I can keep up with everyone even if I'm too fuddled to post.
22 blurbs:
Goodness sweet lucious (my new name for you at the moment) - sounds like you're having happiness anxiety mixed in with the wonder of change distress.
After wanting my own home for 40 years I threw up at the closing, burst into tears with the movers - I swear! one of the movers was named Jesus and I just kept saying "help me Jesus" and then when we had a gas leak I was wishing it would explode.
see how freakin' normal you are.
Jay wrote a post a couple of days ago about how he hurts himself all the time - I think the two of you need to become a dance duo - Ninja Dreams & Horned Hottie.
I feel like going on forever - I missed you so much!! but I'll let some of the others get near the nursery window.
J is a sweet looking young man who appears afraid of his giant cupcake :)
Forgive me for not feeling sorry for you. I would LOVE for things (just once) to go the way I want! ;)
And sweet Jebus that cake is lovely. I want to smush my face in it. Yum.
I'm SOOO GLAD YOU ARE BACK! The house sounds flippin amazing and Dianne is right (she always is). You are totally normal. I'm on the brink of two new huge life changing long time dreams and all I can do is self sabotage. I get that I'm going to be sick feeling every day.
The cake looks awesome. I'm so amazed at your talent in the kitchen. J is so handsome. That is probably because the parents are so good looking.
Don't forget to put your helmet on before bed!
"A security cam on the front stoop so Bible-thumpers & aggressive girl scouts can't surprise me anymore."
LOL .. But, surely you don't think that one wittle-bitty camera could stop your obsessed blog stalking buddies do you? Cause I stood in line for a long time just the other day when they were handing out superpowers and while everyone else was going for "I want to be able to fly. Or invisibility. Or X-Ray vision" junk I simply asked for super stalking powers. ;-)
Wait .. that line might actually have been to get in to see The Dark Knight.
"Jay wrote a post a couple of days ago about how he hurts himself all the time - I think the two of you need to become a dance duo - Ninja Dreams & Horned Hottie."
I'm totally visualizing that.
Okay, before I get too creepy on ya ....
That cupcake looks down right delicious! I would eat the whole thing while watching reality TV marathons on E!
I hope you get the house. It sounds awesome. And you can totally have the underwear models out on the big porches! ;-)
A new house? Your dream house? Woohoo! I'm happy for you. :)
Happy birthdays to your guys. Did you save me a slice?
OMG congratulations! Oh man, no, no don't throw up again...
My dog keeps all the rats, squirrels, and other life out of my back yard.
Funny enuff, she also keep the bible thumpers away.
There's a hole in my backyard filled with scrotums and little men in boats.
A well-timed return for the both of us.
We really might have a lot in common. Your mixture of happiness and nausea reminds me of the sort of headingless travels I feel like going on. And the outlook that you have to live the perfect life just like any other--I've thought that sort of thing before. Life doesn't just play out for you once you reach the finish line. So glad you're back.
Dianne: Golly I missed you...I don't know how I stayed away so long, I'm an idiot!
The Help me Jesus story almost made me piddle. I just know I'm going to have a mover named Beezlebub.
You've made me feel so much better. If I manage to go through with this, I'm thinking I'll bring my beater purse to the closing in case I need to throw up in it.
Jay & I would totally win a dance competition...we'd just take everyone down.
That pic is J's consterpated look, I see it about six times a day. One of the candles got out of line & dared to drip wax on his cake :P
Tink: I totally understand...I keep sniffing around for the funk factor b/c it just doesn't seem like my life unless something is a bit skewed, on fire, or channeling Satan.
I'd bake you a giant cupcake just to see you smush your face in it!
Knight: I missed you so much! I was thinking of you, wondering how you were doing with the big changes you hinted at...all I know is you're going to be great. Well and if you do toss your cookies, just use your purse...or better yet, borrow someone else's purse.
The house is so dreamy I keep wanting to go cuddle the porch posts, but I'm supposed to be playing hard to get. I'm glad the house doesn't have voicemail or I'd keep calling & hanging up LOL!
Thanks for the sweet comment--J's a doll. He finally let me cut his hair & I think I found Osama bin Laden in there.
Jay: I'll just program it into the security software that people wearing viking hats are friendlies...that way you won't get zapped by my death-ray while you're crawling through the rose bushes.
Okay, you just gave me another thing to add to my bucket list: Eat giant cupcakes with Jay while watching TV until one of us pukes or gets cabinfever & goes all Redrum. Wheeee!
I think we'd be pretty awesome doing the Tango. I don't really know how but that's what the helmet is for. And you should probably wear shin-guards, elbow pads & maybe a cup.
Hilary: Gah, I'm on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, Hil. The house is on a cul-de-sac, which of course made me think of your awesome block parties. Three of the neighbors are judges, so I'm thinking it's not such a stretch to imagine one of them in that Great Swami get-up Frank wore? LOL
There are 2 slices left... :)
Maggie: You know me so well---you say Congrats & my tummy lurches...then I go straight into denial: WTF is Maggie talking about? LOL
Oh, I'm so happy you're back! The house sounds wonderful, I hope it all goes well.
Happy birthday to your boys! J looks so serious, or is he wondering how to eat it all without sharing?
Mike: Do Bible-thumpers have scrotums & lil men in boats?
Your little dog sounds like Cujo. Good puppy.
Eric: Yeah, I think we have some of the things that matter in common...and the rest is fun for shin-kicking. I'm glad you're back too!
I don't really believe in finish lines, just thresholds--you know, you step over one & think, Holy crap I got here...then the brave new world beckons & away you go.
Headingless travels have a way of cleaning you right out & fattening you up at the same time. I love that.
Reb: Oh I love your new profile pic! Thanks for the well wishes, I'm taking it day by day & we'll see where I end up. Hopefully not a padded room though maybe I can plan ahead & just have them add that to the house LOL
I took a lot of pics of J grinning but this was the one that cracked me up...all suspicious over a bit of dribbled candle-wax :P
YAY!!! Your back! I hope all of your dreams of wanting that house come true..So we can sit on that open porch and drink us a couple glasses of wine! wooop!
That cupcake cake! looks awesomeeeeee!
I hope he had a wonderful b-day!
so cool to hear your good news jo. I know what you mean about having a hard time handling it when long awaited dreams actually come true!!! Dies tend to feel so very surreal yummmmm to that cupcake!!! I have nissed your proclivity for awesome photos so heres to many more soon!!
Welcome back again then. I will send you the good mo-jo for your house. I can recall having butterflies when I bought my first house.
I hope Rene's head is ok. You must need more dream ninja practice.
That cupcake is incredible and I am not someone who likes sweets. Good luck with everything Jo. Cheers!!
Planning, desinging and decorating! Oh my! I am sure your home will be as beautiful to look at as it is to live in...with rich character and meticulous attention to detail. Right down to the number of nails used....to ensure a substatantially built home free of defects.
Happy bday to your boys. I sent J message last week I hope he got it. The Monster cupcake looks yummy!
Congratulations and thanks for giving us a peek into your dreams. I look forward to reading more about the ground breaking and roof raising experiences. Just be glad it isn't moving day....yet. Call me if you want me to bring my beefy boyfriend to load boxes or underwear model on the porch :)
Houses are a pain in the ass, and so totally worth the pain. Ours was a mess when we bought it, and still a semi-mess now, but I love living in it. For reasons I can't quite explain, living in a house changes the way you look at the world.
I started doing the Google reader thingie a couple weeks ago. Makes the bloggy realms a lot easier (and faster!) to navigste.
Ne: No more Single! :D Thanks Sweetie, you know if you're ever out this way you can come on over for drinks.
Robert: It's very surreal but we've slowed it down the past few days & now I'm acclimating. I think :P You just reminded me how I've been neglecting my camera...thanks for always being so supportive of my pics :)
G-man: Thanks, G...good mojo goes a long way. If I have anymore ninja dreams Rene might not sleep with me. Oh who are we kidding LOL!
Matt-Man: You don't like sweets? I think I could make it into a big meatcake! Thanks, Matt :)
Malin: Thanks so much, Sweetpea. We're holding off on our bid at the moment...now that I'm emotionally ready, my inner real-estate tycoon has taken over. It's a risk but the market is so cold, I'm hoping it'll drive the price lower.
I already have all the rooms planned but I'm trying to calm down & be smart about it. You'd love it...so I'm just going to picture us sitting out on the porch having cocktails & maybe your gorilla will grill us up something yummy...I wouldn't say no to him doing it in his underpants :D
Clowncar: I'm loving the reader, I don't know why I didn't do it six months ago.
I love what you said about a house changing your perspective--I hope that's me in a few months. Semi-messes go with scampering girls & kittens :)
OMG that cupcake looks like the debul...I want some!!! Seriously, I'm going to have to get me one of those pans.
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